When Mommy and Daddy Issues Are Holding You Back From Your Life
I don't know about you, but my life is REALLY different than my parents' lives and we struggle to understand each other a lot.
This gets tricky when family members start giving advice. Many of us have relatives who tell us there are things we "should" do without understanding what it's like to be us living in the world right now. This comes up in everything from deciding what job to have, whether you should have kids and when to have them, and who you choose to love.
And the grip your lineage will have on you is influenced by familial patterns, plus whether you have a strong or weak attachment with them.
If you have strong attachment with your parents, it can be surprisingly difficult to break free of any unhealthy patterns in the family culture, but if there's a high level of self-awareness and engagement in the family, then work that changes hearts and minds is possible. Growth can happen together, but it's not necessarily easy.
If you have weak attachment with your parents, then maybe you've been inclined to take the renunciate route in an effort to free yourself from your ancestral grips and start a new path. This can make it feel like you have freed yourself, except the moment you find yourself in a relationship, out come all the patterns you tried to escape from and you're back at square one.
So in order to really free yourself from the plague of messed up ancestral patterns, you have no choice but to understand the family dynamic, history and context. I'm not recommending that you move back in with mom or dad to hash this stuff out, but if you want resolution, then you have no choice but to try to look at everyone involved, including yourself, and see how and why everything happened, as if you were reading a story about someone else's life...
Part of how you can do this is to try to understand your parents' and grandparents' lives.
Without understanding something, it's easier to blame. When you feel like blaming, it prevents you from living the life you have right in front of you because you're caught in a victim mindset and you can't see how you are now the one sabotaging your own future.
But you can break all that nonsense. You can learn to be both an experiencer and an observer at the same time - being both in it and outside of it - and it's important that you do if you want to have real harmony in mind, body and spirit while you're playing this game called life.
I'm not saying this is easy, but nothing amazing ever is.
Listen to Wisdom of the Body Episode 96: Heather Grzych on Appreciating Your Family Lineage.
This could change your life!