Should You Freeze Your Eggs? Why I Don’t Care.
Maybe you’re sitting there in your pretty, pearlized yoga pants thinking, “I’d like to have kids someday, but not now.” You feel you have lots of time, and you aren’t worried about losing your opportunity to have a child. Well, I’m here to tell you that even though you might not be ready to have a child now, you need to be thinking about how you are managing your health and fertility now if you want to have kids later. I’ve worked with too many women who have gotten big, not-so-nice surprises once they hit their late thirties or early forties and try to start building their family. I’ve also worked with women who have had no problems once they hit the “geriatric” mothering ages, as conventional doctors lovingly refer to it.
However, I’m not going to tell you to go freeze your eggs. Someone else will likely suggest that path to you. Rather, I’m going to suggest that you simply live your healthiest and happiest life, and then see if you get pregnant. This way, you aren’t expecting a specific result and if it happens, you are instead caught up in the magic and wonder of it, with tremendous amounts of gratitude, rather than trying to control the heck out of the experience and going nuts if you don’t successfully achieve your goal of becoming a mother.
You might be thinking, “Wait, but don’t I need to plan for when I want to have kids?”
No, you don’t.
"We didn't plan it back then."
Depending on how old your own mother is, you might have heard, “We didn’t plan it back then. We just did it and saw what happens.” Imagine that now, when we superwomen are expected to do everything well – on time and with 100 percent accuracy.
I mean, I don’t want you to be completely irresponsible and go sleep with some stranger that you meet in a bar one night. I want you to live your life in a way that is best for your own health and happiness, and then if the conditions arise for you to have a baby, then so be it.
I know – this is totally different than what everyone is telling you today. Some of you are even being offered egg freezing as a tantalizing employee benefit. I'm really happy this wasn't an option for me in my twenties. (All I think of when I see those ads is the voice of these old, dental insurance executives I used to work with saying, “We want people to buy this and never use it.”)
If freezing your eggs gives you peace of mind, a fertility insurance policy if you will, then go do it. I’m not here to tell you not to do it, and I can’t say whether it’s a good or bad thing to do. Instead, I want to tell you something else: Don’t live your life anticipating and preparing for impending doom. Do live your life orienting yourself towards joy and wonder.
Forget the clock and focus on being happy and healthy
Modern medicine may be telling you that you already have all your potential babies inside you – that they’ve been in you since you were in your own mother’s belly. Regardless of whether this is true, caring for yourself cares for any potential child you might have. Help yourself prevent the imbalances that turn into disease processes down the road. Reverse the small discomforts, and turn them into vitality. Be a receptive, inspired and supportive channel. Having a healthy body, good digestion and assimilation, a peaceful, happy mind and paying attention to your menstrual cycles will ensure that you provide your potential kids with the best possible environment for them to grow in.
Basically, I want you to focus on being your healthiest, happiest, most balanced, loving, hopeful and creative self. Pay attention to your body. Get to know your mind. And when you spot that something is off in your basic physiological functioning – like your sleep, skin, gut health, menstrual patterns, sex drive or energy in general – get very curious about how you can improve these patterns as early as possible. This will help you live the best life and remove any barriers to finding the best partner, a wonderful career and maybe even becoming a mother.
Speaking of happiness – there are actually huge correlations between infertility and depression. The studies almost always look at how many people are depressed once they are identified as having a fertility issue, but few look at how being depressed affects fertility. Does the chicken or egg come first? If I were you, I would assume it’s both and go be happy.
You are one of a kind
Don’t put your job in front of your health. Don’t feel pressure to do stuff just because some random wellness blogger said it was “healthy”. Learn what your body-mind-spirit needs. You are a unique creature in a unique environment.
I learned about my own uniqueness through Ayurveda. When I focused on balancing my health according to how my own body operates naturally, I actually got pregnant on the first try - at the ripe, old, geriatric age of 38. It is possible to live your life being surprised by the beauty of Nature. You can do it too.
So, go out now in those pretty, pearlized yoga pants and buy yourself some flowers - or do whatever else makes you happy and healthy. This is your key to your ultimate creativity - whether you are creating businesses, works of art or little humans.
Share this with your friends if you think it will help them!