Why Sharing Your Story Isn’t “Oversharing”. It’s Necessary for Your Health.

One thing I've seen over and over again in private consultations through the years is that everyone carries secrets. Some are small, and some are huge.

We all carry pieces of ourselves that feel private, unpolished, or even shameful. Whether it’s a fear, a regret, a longing, or a truth you’ve tucked away, these internal stories shape how we move through life. But research into the psychology of secrets shows something remarkable: the act of sharing those inner truths with another human being isn’t a vulnerability, it’s a source of connection and well-being.

Behavioral scientist Michael Slepian, in his book The Secret Life of Secrets, draws on more than a decade of research involving over 50,000 people across 26 countries to reveal how secrets affect us. What stands out most isn’t that people keep secrets (because, duh, people do), but what happens when they carry them alone. Slepian’s work shows that the emotional weight of a secret isn’t primarily about hiding it from others, but about living with it only inside your own mind, without support or insight from someone else.

This has real psychological consequences. People who keep many secrets report worse physical and emotional health, less pleasure in life, and weaker relationships than those who carry fewer hidden burdens.

It’s not the secrecy itself that’s toxic. It’s the isolation.

Across multiple studies, Slepian and colleagues found that when participants chose to confide in another person, they didn’t just “unload” a secret, but rather they experienced improved well-being, including better coping and reduced rumination.

Now, sharing your story doesn’t mean you need to write a book, post it on social media, or make it public in any way. The research shows that even confiding in a single trusted person who can listen without judgment is enough to lift the burden and improve well-being.

Interestingly, you don’t always need another human to experience some of the benefits of sharing. Research on expressive writing shows that converting thoughts and feelings into words, whether through journaling or typing them into a conversational tool, reduces emotional intensity and supports cognitive processing. A study on self-disclosure to chatbots suggests that people often feel more comfortable sharing with an AI than they do with others, in part because there’s no fear of judgment, and that process itself can help organize and reflect on inner experience. (Pennebaker et al., 2010) So even telling a tool like ChatGPT about what’s on your mind can be a form of expressive disclosure that fosters perspective and can feel relieving, though it is not a substitute for human empathy or professional guidance.

Humans aren’t meant to carry their inner worlds alone. Connection isn’t just socially pleasant, it’s biologically grounding. Even one trusted confidant can interrupt the isolation that comes from keeping things buried, help you understand your experiences in a new light, and make you feel less alone with your own inner narrative.

But there’s a nuance: the benefit comes from selective vulnerability, which is choosing someone who offers presence, empathy, and attuned listening, not judgment or fixation. The act of revealing a hidden part of yourself to the right person fosters recognition, increased awareness, and shared humanity, reinforcing that your experiences matter and that you don’t have to wrestle with them in solitude.

For those of us who coach, heal, teach, or witness others’ stories, this science underscores a core truth: the power of story is not merely a form of entertainment. It’s a tool that can be used to help people be seen with dignity. When you share your narrative with a person who holds it with respect and reflection, or even articulate it in a safe space through writing or a trusted AI tool, you create a bridge between isolation and understanding, which is a human experience that research shows is deeply linked to emotional health.

So if you’ve been sitting with something, a secret that part of you has been carrying alone for too long: this research reminds us that telling your story to the right person is a step toward healing. You don’t need a platform, a publication, or an audience. You just need a trusted ear or a reflective space and the courage to let your experience be acknowledged.